On June 15th I moved to Boulder, CO. I moved here because my dear friends made the decision to relocate within the same apartment complex, so that I could have a place to call home. I don't know how to explain how much it means to me the sacrifice they made. Moving from one town to another is a pain, but it is manageable. I had to load up a van and move once. They had to make multiple trips on foot. I can't thank them enough. I feel like I have come "home" since arriving in Boulder. The Well has been amazing and challenging at he same time. I have been accepted like I haven't experienced in many years. I am grateful for the time and experiences that I had in Summit County, but I never felt at home like I do now. I did have a great group of friends and a large network, but it wasn't the same. I suppose that part of my comfort comes from the fact that Boulder has always been my happy place.
I am glad to be back, yet I still have a lot to learn and a ton of growing to do. I don't know what I am supposed to do as my ministry. I feel like I need to do something, but right now I'm not sure what to do. I have done many years of youth ministry and Young Life and I loved it but I think that I would really enjoy doing something different. Could that different ministry be Primerica? I know that what I am doing makes an amazing impact in the lives of the people that I have been able to help. I know that when I am able to empower and protect families I feel like I did when my youth would stand up at say so. It's a mix of humility, pride and awe. I have dreams of where I want to be and what I'd like to see happen, but I have difficulty putting what is in my head and heart into words. I know the passion that I feel in my heart, how do I convey that passion outwardly? Perhaps I need to stop hiding behind the facade that I have built. I put on this persona of being this person that has it all figured out. I know that is not what's really happening. I have believed for so long that I can fake it until I make it. I am starting to realize that nobody really wants to be around someone that isn't real and honest. I am afraid to let my walls down and let others know that I don't have anything really figured out at all. I am a hot mess. I often doubt myself and my decisions. I have trouble sleeping because I am either stressing about life or wondering where I've gone wrong. I sometimes feel like a failure as a man because I am 32 and still single with no prospects for a relationship. I feel like I am letting my family down. I am very overweight and I complain about it, but I don't follow through on the things that I say that I will so to lose the weight. My body issues will become a problem in the future and I am scared of the consequences, yet I still won't actually do something about it.I have settled for status quot for years. I have read so many times that all I have to do to change is make a decision, and by making the decision I have already started the changing process. I guess that I have doubted that wisdom, writing it off as hoodoo b.s.
I am glad to be back, yet I still have a lot to learn and a ton of growing to do. I don't know what I am supposed to do as my ministry. I feel like I need to do something, but right now I'm not sure what to do. I have done many years of youth ministry and Young Life and I loved it but I think that I would really enjoy doing something different. Could that different ministry be Primerica? I know that what I am doing makes an amazing impact in the lives of the people that I have been able to help. I know that when I am able to empower and protect families I feel like I did when my youth would stand up at say so. It's a mix of humility, pride and awe. I have dreams of where I want to be and what I'd like to see happen, but I have difficulty putting what is in my head and heart into words. I know the passion that I feel in my heart, how do I convey that passion outwardly? Perhaps I need to stop hiding behind the facade that I have built. I put on this persona of being this person that has it all figured out. I know that is not what's really happening. I have believed for so long that I can fake it until I make it. I am starting to realize that nobody really wants to be around someone that isn't real and honest. I am afraid to let my walls down and let others know that I don't have anything really figured out at all. I am a hot mess. I often doubt myself and my decisions. I have trouble sleeping because I am either stressing about life or wondering where I've gone wrong. I sometimes feel like a failure as a man because I am 32 and still single with no prospects for a relationship. I feel like I am letting my family down. I am very overweight and I complain about it, but I don't follow through on the things that I say that I will so to lose the weight. My body issues will become a problem in the future and I am scared of the consequences, yet I still won't actually do something about it.I have settled for status quot for years. I have read so many times that all I have to do to change is make a decision, and by making the decision I have already started the changing process. I guess that I have doubted that wisdom, writing it off as hoodoo b.s.
By writing this blog I am making a decision that I have put off for quite some time. I have thought about writing and sharing what's on my heart and in my head for a long time, but I always talked myself out of it because either nobody would read it and I'd feel rejected, or lots of people would read it and mock and criticize me. I am making the decision that I don't care if anyone ever reads this I still am going to write. I'll be fine if someone does read this and they do mock me or criticize me, because I am loved by many people, and that's all that really matters in the end. I also decide today that I will be successful at whatever I do. I choose to go to my hourly job and do the best job that I can, because if I can't be the best employee, how can I be the best entrepreneur. At the same time I will build a business that thrives and makes an impact on Boulder, the front range, and all of Colorado. I will be the best leader and coach that I know how to be. I will always work to become a better version of me, so that someday I can be the guy that has a lot of it figured out. I choose to make time everyday to do something that will help me get fit. I choose to be honest and real. I choose to make this blog public so that I can let down a wall and let you know what is really happening.
